/ˈôɡəst/

 

[Kinta City, 180821]

August has always been amongst the month that I cherish the most. The month the treasure of my heart was born. I love it that we share the same date, only three months apart. And I adore her so much that August has motivates me to do more good, live a better life and be a better person. In the future, I might have more meaningful reasons to cherish August. But as for now, let's live in the present and do extra good, as God loves the doers of good :)

Harapan.

Setengah tahun berlalu.

Dan harapan masih ada.

:)

/ˈrɪð(ə)m/

"Saya B kecik"

"Saya O besar"

The nurses were casually shouting as we were being labelled. It just sounded funny that it made me happy.

Tonight I was reminded (again). It really takes time to figure out our rhythm. And it requires not only time, but also patience and wisdom.

Tonight I saw a familiar face. And that has also made me happy. It is true that happiness lies in small things. Oh hello doctor! :)

Give up.

According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, to give up is to stop trying to do something before you have finished.

Now the keywords here are 'stop trying' and 'finished'. Can something be finished when it is not even started? Can we stop trying when we don't even started to try? Can we really give up on the things that are not there at the first place?

I had this argument with my inner self for quite some time. Should I allow myself to give up when I don't even have the thing to begin with? Is it okay to not wanting to start a certain thing when I know I'll fight to the very end once I make the first move? How do I justify my actions? Does everything needs explanation? Is everything I do should be acceptable?

Yesterday, someone very dear to me asked me to join her in her future PhD journey. We rarely meet but she is among the people I can talk to a lot about certain things. Even the things that I don't tell my parents nor my bestfriends. For whatever reason, I find it easy to open up to her and articulate my thoughts. So I really appreciate her reaching out to me especially it is the matter concerning her future.

PhD.

I knew I wanted to do a doctor of philosophy degree when I started my bachelor degree. It was as clear as day that I wanted to be an educator (my parents are my inspiration) and a scientist (due to my love for lab and research works). I wanted to be a lecturer and hence, PhD was in the picture. I planned my route, I wrote my timeline. A detailed one.

But little did I know my passion can somehow disappear into thin air. It's that simple and I cannot elaborate more. Sometimes I think it's because of my bumpy master degree journey that might have been traumatic without me knowing it. Some other time, I think I'm just not passionate enough. Every now and then I try to identify the reason, I try to find any motivation but in the end I'm still clueless.

So I decided to let it go. I did not want to do things because people told me to go with the flow. I want to do things because I know I want them then I'll be able to take full responsibility in everything that I do without blaming other people. In 2017, I declined the PhD offer from my most respected lecturer. It was a though year and I had to bear all the consequences from making the decision.

I am now in a very different world from what I dreamt before. I didn't start the journey of PhD so I'm not able to give that up. Since I've started this different journey, which is also not easy, I'll tell myself again and again to not give up. May Allah shower us with strength, perseverance, resilience and total reliance on Him through whatever that we are facing at the moment. Ameen3.

P/s: we often think that we need courage to keep on going but we should be aware that it takes courage to give up too :)

Tell yourself to not just settle for anything.

[Ampang, 050121]

Edited.

Own your decision, make a choice.

Not because you have to, but because you want to.

31st.

 

[Syurga, ∞]

"Wahai Tuhanku, ilhamkanlah aku supaya tetap bersyukur akan nikmatMu yang Engkau kurniakan kepadaku dan kepada ibu bapaku, dan supaya aku tetap mengerjakan amal soleh yang Engkau redhai; dan masukkanlah aku - dengan limpah rahmatMu - dalam golongan hamba-hambaMu yang soleh".

(An-Naml 27:19)

"Wahai Tuhanku, ilhamkanlah aku supaya tetap bersyukur akan nikmatMu yang Engkau kurniakan kepadaku dan kepada ibu bapaku, dan supaya aku tetap mengerjakan amal soleh yang Engkau redhai; dan jadikanlah sifat-sifat kebaikan meresap masuk ke dalam jiwa zuriat keturunanku. Sesungguhnya aku bertaubat kepadaMu, dan sesungguhnya aku dari orang-orang Islam (yang tunduk patuh kepadaMu)"

(Al-Ahqaaf 46:15)

/ˈɡʌɪd(ə)ns/

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلاَ أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوبِ، اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ، وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ، وَاقْدُرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ

O Allah, verily I seek the goodness from You, through Your [Infinite] Knowledge, and I seek strength from You, through Your Divine Ability, and I seek from You, Your Infinite Grace. For indeed You’re completely able to do, while I simply cannot. You know everything, and I do not, and You know everything that’s unseen.. O Allah, if You know that this matter is good for me with regard to my religion, my livelihood and the end of my affair then decree it for me, facilitate it for me, and grant me blessing in it. And if You know that this matter is not good for me with regard to my religion, my livelihood and the end of my affair then turn it away from me and me from it; and decree for me better than it, wherever it may be, and make me content with it.

We often ask, what's the answer to our istikharah? While we are busy looking for the signs or interpreting the seemingly signs that may lead to the answer, we tend to overlook the gist of the prayer. 

We should be aware that anything we asked for, is for the benefit of our religion, our livelihood and the end of our affair. What happen next is of course insyaAllah. But we also have to remember. All those that has happened or deem to happen in the future, if it is contradictory to our answer of istikharah, it is for sure the best outcome for ourselves. Be it anything. Study, career, marriage etc if in the end everything did not work out as what we hoped for, there will be goodness in it. For Allah only wants the best for us. And the prayer that we made was to ask Allah to grant us the matter that is beneficial for us, not the one that we want.

May Allah always guide us and make us content with whatever the outcome is. Ameen ameen ameen.

Contradictory but in tandem.

[The Habitat, 28022020]

Linear yet curved.

Feeling confused? Always having fights with oneself? Try not to get too haywire. It doesn't necessarily be that complex. It is just the matter of finding balance as a walking paradox. Not all fights are meant to be won. Victory can come as a form of tolerance. Let's master the skill :)

/ˈsɪstəhʊd/

 

[Bandar Palma, 16012021]

Est. 1998. Together for more than two-third of our lives. May we benefit each other in this dunya and also in the akhirah. Ameen ameen ameen.