A mother.

 Today, Nuha was accidentally locked in a nursing room. 

Today, I realised that motherhood really changes you. Your loves, your hopes, your dreams, your fear, your strength, yourself.

It's true when people say, "When a baby is born, a mother is born."

May Allah guide us all the way. Allahumma ameen.

Mitsaqan ghaliza.

 

It has been three months full of gratitude, appreciation, learning, and sharing. Countless to go in respect, tolerance and love biidznillah.

It’s beautiful, the qadarullah. Even if we fail to see the beauty, it is still beautifully written. It's beautiful and it’s amazing when paths crossed and we exist in each other’s lives. It’s amazing that we could connect when we started out as strangers. It’s amazing that a person can fill an empty space in our heart that we didn't even know is there at the first place. It's humbling and maturing to learn, accept and experience everything. 

Through ups and downs, we shall remember this. This is mitsaqan ghaliza, qadarullah is the best and to Allah we belong and to Allah we shall return.

[111221]

/ˈôɡəst/

 

[Kinta City, 180821]

August has always been amongst the month that I cherish the most. The month the treasure of my heart was born. I love it that we share the same date, only three months apart. And I adore her so much that August has motivates me to do more good, live a better life and be a better person. In the future, I might have more meaningful reasons to cherish August. But as for now, let's live in the present and do extra good, as God loves the doers of good :)

Harapan.

Setengah tahun berlalu.

Dan harapan masih ada.

:)

/ˈrɪð(ə)m/

"Saya B kecik"

"Saya O besar"

The nurses were casually shouting as we were being labelled. It just sounded funny that it made me happy.

Tonight I was reminded (again). It really takes time to figure out our rhythm. And it requires not only time, but also patience and wisdom.

Tonight I saw a familiar face. And that has also made me happy. It is true that happiness lies in small things. Oh hello doctor! :)

Give up.

According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, to give up is to stop trying to do something before you have finished.

Now the keywords here are 'stop trying' and 'finished'. Can something be finished when it is not even started? Can we stop trying when we don't even started to try? Can we really give up on the things that are not there at the first place?

I had this argument with my inner self for quite some time. Should I allow myself to give up when I don't even have the thing to begin with? Is it okay to not wanting to start a certain thing when I know I'll fight to the very end once I make the first move? How do I justify my actions? Does everything needs explanation? Is everything I do should be acceptable?

Yesterday, someone very dear to me asked me to join her in her future PhD journey. We rarely meet but she is among the people I can talk to a lot about certain things. Even the things that I don't tell my parents nor my bestfriends. For whatever reason, I find it easy to open up to her and articulate my thoughts. So I really appreciate her reaching out to me especially it is the matter concerning her future.

PhD.

I knew I wanted to do a doctor of philosophy degree when I started my bachelor degree. It was as clear as day that I wanted to be an educator (my parents are my inspiration) and a scientist (due to my love for lab and research works). I wanted to be a lecturer and hence, PhD was in the picture. I planned my route, I wrote my timeline. A detailed one.

But little did I know my passion can somehow disappear into thin air. It's that simple and I cannot elaborate more. Sometimes I think it's because of my bumpy master degree journey that might have been traumatic without me knowing it. Some other time, I think I'm just not passionate enough. Every now and then I try to identify the reason, I try to find any motivation but in the end I'm still clueless.

So I decided to let it go. I did not want to do things because people told me to go with the flow. I want to do things because I know I want them then I'll be able to take full responsibility in everything that I do without blaming other people. In 2017, I declined the PhD offer from my most respected lecturer. It was a though year and I had to bear all the consequences from making the decision.

I am now in a very different world from what I dreamt before. I didn't start the journey of PhD so I'm not able to give that up. Since I've started this different journey, which is also not easy, I'll tell myself again and again to not give up. May Allah shower us with strength, perseverance, resilience and total reliance on Him through whatever that we are facing at the moment. Ameen3.

P/s: we often think that we need courage to keep on going but we should be aware that it takes courage to give up too :)

Tell yourself to not just settle for anything.

[Ampang, 050121]

Edited.

Own your decision, make a choice.

Not because you have to, but because you want to.

31st.

 

[Syurga, ∞]

"Wahai Tuhanku, ilhamkanlah aku supaya tetap bersyukur akan nikmatMu yang Engkau kurniakan kepadaku dan kepada ibu bapaku, dan supaya aku tetap mengerjakan amal soleh yang Engkau redhai; dan masukkanlah aku - dengan limpah rahmatMu - dalam golongan hamba-hambaMu yang soleh".

(An-Naml 27:19)

"Wahai Tuhanku, ilhamkanlah aku supaya tetap bersyukur akan nikmatMu yang Engkau kurniakan kepadaku dan kepada ibu bapaku, dan supaya aku tetap mengerjakan amal soleh yang Engkau redhai; dan jadikanlah sifat-sifat kebaikan meresap masuk ke dalam jiwa zuriat keturunanku. Sesungguhnya aku bertaubat kepadaMu, dan sesungguhnya aku dari orang-orang Islam (yang tunduk patuh kepadaMu)"

(Al-Ahqaaf 46:15)

/ˈɡʌɪd(ə)ns/

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلاَ أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوبِ، اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ، وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ، وَاقْدُرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ

O Allah, verily I seek the goodness from You, through Your [Infinite] Knowledge, and I seek strength from You, through Your Divine Ability, and I seek from You, Your Infinite Grace. For indeed You’re completely able to do, while I simply cannot. You know everything, and I do not, and You know everything that’s unseen.. O Allah, if You know that this matter is good for me with regard to my religion, my livelihood and the end of my affair then decree it for me, facilitate it for me, and grant me blessing in it. And if You know that this matter is not good for me with regard to my religion, my livelihood and the end of my affair then turn it away from me and me from it; and decree for me better than it, wherever it may be, and make me content with it.

We often ask, what's the answer to our istikharah? While we are busy looking for the signs or interpreting the seemingly signs that may lead to the answer, we tend to overlook the gist of the prayer. 

We should be aware that anything we asked for, is for the benefit of our religion, our livelihood and the end of our affair. What happen next is of course insyaAllah. But we also have to remember. All those that has happened or deem to happen in the future, if it is contradictory to our answer of istikharah, it is for sure the best outcome for ourselves. Be it anything. Study, career, marriage etc if in the end everything did not work out as what we hoped for, there will be goodness in it. For Allah only wants the best for us. And the prayer that we made was to ask Allah to grant us the matter that is beneficial for us, not the one that we want.

May Allah always guide us and make us content with whatever the outcome is. Ameen ameen ameen.

Contradictory but in tandem.

[The Habitat, 28022020]

Linear yet curved.

Feeling confused? Always having fights with oneself? Try not to get too haywire. It doesn't necessarily be that complex. It is just the matter of finding balance as a walking paradox. Not all fights are meant to be won. Victory can come as a form of tolerance. Let's master the skill :)

/ˈsɪstəhʊd/

 

[Bandar Palma, 16012021]

Est. 1998. Together for more than two-third of our lives. May we benefit each other in this dunya and also in the akhirah. Ameen ameen ameen.

Musafir lalu.

[Brewster Rd, 28112020]

Merelakan yang hilang dan pergi beerti membuka pintu bagi yang lebih baik dan baru. Dunia aliran ujian, jangan berhenti memaknainya. (Salim Akhuna Fillah)

Mabataki.

يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّومُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغيثُ أَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِيَ كُلَّهُ وَلاَ تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ

O Ever Living One, O Self-Sustaining One, by Your Mercy I seek help, rectify for me all of my affairs and do not leave me to depend on myself, even for the blink of an eye.

The last page of chapter 20s.

The number of the chapter is inevitably increasing but ironically the time left to be valued is decreasing. So a piece of advice is always much needed.

To the dear past, present and future me,

[TC, 12052017]

Bear in mind that everything happens for a reason. One event lead to another. Success and failure, both are lessons in life. He is The Best Planner and He is never wrong! Try to understand that it’s okay to not live the life that others expect you to live. Don’t live to the expectation of people but instead live to the expectation of Allah. Live with a virtue, based on your principle and not following trends or because of peer pressure. Always remember that you don't have to uphold a certain image just to be accepted by the society. Always retrospect and be true to yourself and other people.

You may plan ahead but your plan can definitely change when the time comes. You can plan ahead because sometimes planning ahead can give you a clearer direction of where you want to go, drive you, and motivate you. However, don't be too fixated on a plan. Plans will almost definitely always change. So be prepared! Live life with open arms. You will go where you're supposed to be headed. If it happens to be that you don't know what to do in life, just take a step back, breathe and rethink. It is OKAY and it is not a crime. Don't get overly stressed out and try to keep back on track as soon as you can.

Once in a while, be a little more expressive and less reserved. Take more risk, be bold, be confident. If things doesn’t turn out to be what you hoped for, at least it’s a way for you to grow, gain experience and learn something. Allow yourself to do more even if it means you are going to make mistakes or fail. Then forgive yourself and face the world again.

Spend more time reading more books, taking on new skills and get several other hobbies instead of spending time on social media. Always take five when you need to. Remember! People only show what they want others to see. You don't have to waste time scrutinising what people are doing. You don't actually want the life of other people, you just want to be YOU. And you should only be better than the past you, not everyone else. Stop comparing and start improving!

Try as much to be more patient and calm. You don’t have to react to everything that happens. Pause and take time to read the situation. Think of what and when do you say or do something. If you wronged something or someone, you have to admit and apologise! Make amend and make up! You'll learn the hard way but apparently you'll have to brush it off and move on, be better!

Last but not least, life is full of ups and downs. If it's flat, it means you're dead. Asystole. In the end, you are still a work in progress. Till the end, I love you Fareha ❤️ 

/kəmˈpaʃ(ə)n/

Compassion. Towards ourselves. 

I find it much easier to be compassionate towards other people than towards myself. I used to always think that being self-compassionate makes me self-centered, drowned in my own world, selfish, defensive, weak, unmotivated and become complacent with my situation. I tend to practice self-criticism more because it just feels right and I shouldn't always self-pity. 

As I grew older, I learnt that there is also wisdom in self-compassion. Each year, especially in November, I promise to love myself more. I want a better relationship with myself. And this year, I still want the same thing. Also, I want to age beautifully!

Let's learn more on what self-compassion really is, and let's discover more ways to love ourselves, shall we? :)

Start With WHY.

Start With WHY (Simon Sinek, 2009)

1. A world that doesn’t start with WHY

Our behaviour is affected by our assumptions or our perceived truths. Be careful of what you think you know. Assumptions even when based on sound research can lead us astray.

Carrots and sticks (metaphor of reward and punishment to induce certain behaviour). Fear motivates us to move away from something horrible, aspirations tempt us toward something desirable. Though positive in nature, aspirational messages are most effective for people who lack discipline and feeling insecure that they don’t have the ability to achieve their dreams on their own. Aspirational messages can spur behaviour but for most, it won’t last. Eg gym membership and attendance. Peer pressure works not because the majority or the experts are always right but because we fear that we may be wrong.

The confusion of innovation with novelty. Innovation should be industry-altering, on the other hand novelty us just added values to differentiate, not reinvent. Apple iPhone replaced Motorola Razr not because of the brilliant feature (touch screen) but because they tell the service provider what the phone would do, not the other way around.

2. An alternative perspective

The Golden Circle helps us understand why we do what we do. We can achieve more if we remind ourselves to start everything we do by first asking WHY.

Starting from outside of the circle and moving inward:-

WHAT: everyone knows, easily able to describe, easy to identify

HOW: often explain how something is different or better

WHY: very few can articulate why they do what they do, what’s the purpose, cause or belief

We say WHAT we do, we sometimes say HOW we do it, but we rarely say WHY we do WHAT we do. 

People don’t buy WHAT you do, they buy WHY you do it.

Knowing WHY is essential for lasting success and the ability to avoid being lumped in with others. 

*my WHY: CONNECTING PEOPLE 💪🏼

The need to belong. Eg meeting Malaysians overseas. Eg social acceptance.

Two parts of the brain is called limbic and neocortex. The part that controls feelings (limbic) has no capacity for language (neocortex) and that’s why it’s hard to put love into words, to explain why we love the people we love. That’s the problem with love, we just know we’ve found it because it just feels right. The gut decision. When we force people to make decisions with only rational thinking, they may be overthinking. Decision made with limbic brain, gut decision, tends to be faster, higher quality decision. Eg teacher told students to choose the first answer they chose in multiple choice questions. Great leaders are those who trust their gut, understand the art before science, win hearts before minds and they are the one who start with WHY.

Clarity of WHY, discipline of HOW and consistency of WHAT to ensure long-lasting business.

3. Leaders need a following

The emergence of trust is not by fulfilling all your responsibilities. Trust is a feeling, not a rational experience. Trust begins to emerge when we have a sense that another person or organisation is driven by things other than their own self-gain. You have to earn trust by communicating and demonstrating that you share the same values and beliefs, talk about WHY and prove with WHAT you do. Give people something to believe in.

Innovation happens at the edges. The role of leaders is to create an environment in which great ideas can happen, not come up with all the great ideas.

4. How to rally those who believe

Communication is not about speaking, it’s about listening. Logos are a way to communicating what you believe. The logo should say something about who you are. It embodies an entire value set, not only the product but also the people behind them.

Survive the celery test.

5. The biggest challenge is success

As success grows, WHY may become fuzzy, split. Never lose sight of WHY no matter how little or how much they achieve. WHY without HOW, passion without structure, has a high probability of failure.

Pass the bus test.

6. Discover WHY

The origins of WHY: trust intuition and take greater risks than others, stay true to one’s purpose, cause or beliefs. To inspire people, do the things that inspire them.

When you compete against everyone else, no one wants to help you. But when you compete against yourself, everyone wants to help you. What if we showed up to work every day simply to be better than ourselves?

What if the next time when someone asks, “Who’s your competition?” “No idea” “What makes you better than your competition?” “We’re not better than them in all cases” “Why should I do business with you then?” “Because the work we are doing now is better than the work we were doing six months ago. And the work we’ll be doing six months from now will be better than the work we’re doing today. Because we wake up everyday with a sense of WHY we come to work. Our goal is to find customers who believe what we believe and work together so that we can all succeed.

P/s: only notes and not reviews.

/ɪˈrɛɡjʊlə/

Against the regular. Because sometimes it is almost impossible to avoid change.

/pəˈspɛktɪv/

Because morning walk gives me perspectives.

Of Bukit Kledang and my almost every Wednesday morning routine. ❤

Nanti

Yang patah, tumbuh

Yang hilang, berganti

Yang hancur lebur, akan terobati

Yang sia-sia, akan jadi makna

Yang terus berulang, suatu saat henti

Yang pernah jatuh, kan berdiri lagi

Yang patah, tumbuh

Yang hilang, berganti

(Banda Neira, 2016)

Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Today is already the first day of the second half of the year.
And I'm still thinking what to do next.
How about you?
:)